It's a Magical Roller Coaster Ride... And Stuff

robothyenawasteland:

jchastain:

othartryggvassen:

lora-does-things:

I got distracted doing my Western Metroid concept art project for school when I was trying to find out Samus’ height. Turns out in some official art for Super Metroid (1994) she’s described as such:

The Power Suit hides a strong, muscular woman. Samus is nearly six feet, three inches tall and weighs nearly 200 pounds.

Then it lists the exact numbers as 6’3” and 198lbs. That’s what’s “hidden” by the suit, not with the suit, as some people on the internet seem to be suggesting. If you look at the illustration, the suit doesn’t add much to her height anyway.

So anyway the point of all this is that Samus is now 5’3” and that sucks. I can’t find where this stat came from but it’s being quoted by several fans online, and if you obsessively compare screenshots from SSBB like I did, you’ll find that it’s accurate to the inch when she’s standing next to the 6’ tall Snake. So that blows. I think the 6’3” Samus seems way more likely to be an ex-soldier turned bounty hunter who pilots a power suit and doesn’t take shit from anyone. Also she’s a babe.

Disclaimer: I haven’t played a game in the Metroid series since the SNES, all knowledge from the internet, take this with a grain of salt.

This is a thing that’s legit been bugging me for a long ass time

This height and weight is still canon, so why in Other M is everyone at LEAST two heads taller?

BUILT TO DESTROY

If I’m interpreting my Metroid history/mythology correctly… (and the fact that I’ve played most of them)

Samus was orphaned at a young age and taken in by a highly advanced race of bird-warriors called the Chozo, and fostered on a *LOW-GRAVITY* planet. She was given medicine and nutritional care far in excess of anything the Galactic Federation could offer on any human world or colony. IN ADDITION—these twelve-foot tall, monstrous genome warriors INFUSED HER WITH CHOZO DNA, having absolutely no ethical or moral compulsion against gene therapy (we’re talking about a species so advanced they got BORED of techo-futuristic dwellings and started living in STONE TEMPLES FOR KICKS.)

Young Samus, having no context by which she may protest was totally OK with this and, presumably, underwent weapons training, survival training, and continued gene manipulation INTO HER 20s. I reiterate: the Chozo started treatment on her before puberty, meaning the numbers she reached upon adulthood were probably THE LOW END of what the Chozo assumed they could SAFELY do to ANY HUMAN’S bone density / musculature (on a low-gravity planet) before the results became dangerous outliers in their advanced projections. 

FURTHERMORE (And here we get into Metroid Prime’s mythos), the Chozo were a fatalistic, even nihilistic species who predicted their own downfall through mysticism and scientific analysis. Their records refer to Samus as “The Newborn,” and “The Hatchling,” and as the one predestined NOT to save them, but to bring “wrath,” down upon their enemies. 

The Chozo turned Samus into a gigantic murder machine, gave her a power suit composed of some of the most advanced technology in the known galaxy, and pushed her out the door to work as a bounty hunter for the Galactic Federation under the pretenses of capital gain but really TO TAKE VIOLENT REVENGE ON EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEIR FOES. They made her into a Space Marine in a setting bereft of anything resembling a Space Marine.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why 6’5” is honestly lowballing it on her height (I’d put it at 7’5”, with avian features and crazy pinfeathers everywhere), why Samus is amazing, why devs need to Google human biology better, and why Metroid: Other M is NOT CANON.

And this, game devs, is why you need to sit everyone down on your team and make them watch some youtube videos of the Women’s events in the Olympics, and then put these in everyone’s bookmarks. Your future demographic gains thank you (WITH $$$$$).

omg-its-le-me:

best-of-memes:

Steve Harvey losing faith in the human race one family at a time.

You can actually see the moment his soul is crushed

tcbunny:

Someone is creeping…

tcbunny:

Someone is creeping…

theunendingstories:

brbjellyfishing:

babe can i show you my d*ck 

image

image

Nothing I expected but everything I wanted

spaceyiffs:

tonyswirl:

ineffable-hufflepuff:

misandryevans:

babymarkers:

the-chocolate-chip-pancake:

thatsnotwatyourmomsaid:

none pizza with left beef

It should be a rule of Tumblr to always reblog none pizza with left beef

ive missed you

#THIS IS MY FAVORITE FUCKING THING JUST THE BEEF#YOU COULD TELL THE POOR CHEF WAS JUST FUCKING#DISGUSTED#WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS#WHAT THE F U C K IS THIS#WHO THE FUCK ORDERS A#A /NONE/ PIZZA?? JUST BEEF ON THE LEFT???#FUCK IT#F U CK IT#JUST COOK THE FUCKING DOUGH#HERE LET ME THROW THIS FUCKING HANDFUL OF OBLONG BEEF CHUNKS AT YOUR NONE FUCKING PIZZA#FUCK YOU#FUCK YOU AND ALL YOU STAND FOR#LEFT FUCKING BEEF (via askscientistcarlos)

I love None Pizza with Left Beef.

3th time i’ve reblogged this

3th
hoursago:

what if i just replay this game for the 50th time
my spread for kaipy's fanbook gyakuten galaxy!!

hoursago:

what if i just replay this game for the 50th time

my spread for kaipy's fanbook gyakuten galaxy!!

lesushhh:

This will forever be adorable

albinoninetales:

playing pokemon as a kidimage

playing pokemon as an adultimage

longandpointlessurl:

The best way to ruin a dumb protest is to join it badly